Importance of Active Listening
I was doing home tuition for a kid in Serangoon.
Her grandma always come to me and complain about her, saying "she is too lazy to do work, so she(grandma) had to beat her up everyday." Meanwhile, the girl, Yvette was speechless and refuse to respond to her. It seems like between them, there is a lack of active listening. Yvette refuse to listen to her grandma and doing her own things, her grandma keep beat her up and scold her because of that. I once asked her about why is her grandma so fierce, why didn't she try to listen to what her grandma said so that she suffer less. Yvette told me that she tried to do so but her grandma still scold her, so she would rather refuse to respond to her.
The situation is worsened by age and culture. There is a huge generation gap between them, and her grandma is less used to the current technology. Yvette told me sometimes when she was studying with her iPad, her grandma would think that she is playing and scold her. When she was explaining that she was doing work, her grandma did not believe her. Chinese culture tend to be more demanding and strict to children, and this is extremely true to Yvette's family. Her family have four kids and they were all under a strict house rule. Some of them did improved but some of them just became more rebellious. I gave tuition to three of their kids and all three told me that they had been beaten by their grandma.
I believe active listening will help their family greatly, because they always argue and the result is usually the kids get scolded. If they practice active listening, stand in another people's shoes and think of why is she arguing with me and be more tolerant, their family will be more harmonious. If kids study more at home, play lesser game and listen to their grandma, they would not argue with each other. If their grandma can be more tolerant and think in the kids shoes, that they were still young, they need other ways to be taught rather than beaten up and scold, they would also argue lesser.
Interesting case Zhihua.
ReplyDeleteYes, our culture has made things more difficult when it comes to communication, like your tutee and her grandmother. It's Chinese culture or even Asian culture which made us less likely to share our feelings with others and it is because of that, communication gets hindered which leads to conflict.
Perhaps in your case, you may choose to talk to Yvette's parents about this. Let them mend things between the two conflicted parties since it would not be so appropriate if you stepped into their family's matter.
I hope things will become better soon, so Yvette can spend more precious time with her grandmother instead of brickering. After all, our time with our loved ones are finite!
Singgee
Hi Zhihua,
ReplyDeleteIt is an interesting case that you have share. From your case, it is a lesson and a reminder for us that there will always have a generation gap with our parent or grandparent. However, that should not be an excuse for us to treat each other different. Both generation should practice active listening to understand each other problems and their point of view. This will have lesser misunderstanding between the generation.
From your case, it is a good example that active listening should go both ways. Even though 1 party practices active listening, the communication will also break down eventually, as the party will stop when he/she feel that the situation does not improve.
Hence, it is very important to understand each other by practice active listening to understand their problems. This will improve the communication between them.
From Wan Jie
Yo.
ReplyDeleteFrankly speaking, I am not surprised that these kind of situations are still happening in Singapore. There is a Chinese saying “Beating kids because of love, yelling at kids because of love.” Maybe this is the reason why the old generation disciplines their children through force instead of active listening. Actually, I find that more parents nowadays are starting to adapt active listening and are able to communicate with their children. Children are also growing up becoming a good person too. However, not all child will be able to cooperate peacefully depending on the environment as they are growing up. Some might end up too depend on their parent and becoming worse. As a result, this means that there are both pros and cons in using active listening in child discipline as compared to the old and more physical discipline.
Regards,
Chee Hwa
This is a good illustration of how culture can affect how we communicate with each other and how that eventually affects interpersonal relationships. Sounds like the children fear their grandma a lot.
ReplyDelete